13/06/16: The Fives players of North Oxford EFC have a reputation in the world of Eton Fives for taking on daft challenges. Previous follies have included playing all three codes of Fives - Rugby, Eton and Winchester - on their home courts in the same day and playing twelve games on twelve different sets of courts in one day in a loop from Oxford to London and back. This year's adventure was a weekend \"Coast to Coast\" tour, which started in Colwyn Bay on Saturday morning and finished in Ipswich on Sunday evening, playing games on the most westerly and most easterly (well, nearly) Eton Fives courts in the UK, stopping of course for a game on each set of courts passed on the way.
The crack team of Fives troops - Gareth Hoskins, Spencer Chapman, Ashley Lumbard, Chris Ballingall, Ian Mitchell, Mandie Barnes, Nick Shaw and flag waver and photo taker in chief Michele Shaw - made their way up to R/rydal Penrhos School on Friday afternoon, arriving in time to take on the school players in a pre-tour challenge match. The R/rydal team have some fine players and also included coach Isaac Wagland in their ranks, but many had not played since the schools' championships back in March. The majority of the North Oxford team were fresh from the previous weekend's warm weather training camp in Grillon and the difference in preparation showed as the North Oxford pairs had the better of the early exchanges. As the R/rydal boys got into the match, the scorelines became closer and by the end the school pairs were giving a very good account of themselves and gaining valuable experience against adult opposition.
A team bonding session in the Pen Y Bryn, followed by the arrival of eighth player Karen Hird (too late for the sticky toffee pudding, though - an un-Karenlike schoolgirl error there) and a night in Colwyn Bay meant the team were raring to go back on the courts at R/rydal at 9am on Saturday for the first game of the tour proper. Pairs were decided for the first set of games, with the winners in one court swapping with the losers in the other court and changing partners for the next game, a system that was adopted for most of the weekend. From the start, the games of Fives were hard fought but friendly and of very good quality and spirits were high as the team set off for Shrewsbury and game two. A coffee stop at \"Grandad's Roadside Cafe\" on the A5 near Oswestry in homage to Grandad Graham Pulsford was spurned in favour of the more prosaic delights of Starbuck's; the extra fortification spurring the players to put on a fine show at the home of the Northern Tournament for the spectators attending the school Open Day and possibly wondering who these random gatecrashers were.
Undeterred, we pushed on to Wrekin College for game three, the venue for a previous North Oxford visit for 2015's unusual courts fixture against the Old Edwardians. The advanced publicity, advertising our appearance as an exhibition game, had failed to inspire the sporting public of Wellington and Telford who had sadly not turned out in large numbers to watch us perform. In fact, it hadn't even inspired anyone to unlock the gates to the courts as promised, but luckily there was a staff member handily wandering past with the requisite key who didn't seem to mind letting us in. The CCF appeared to have commandeered court one for military purposes but after some judicious sweeping and weeding (possibly a first?) courts two and three were ready to go and play resumed. Wrekin's courts really are unusual, with a very high front ledge, non-existent or slightly odd side ledges and a high buttress, but by now we were into the rhythm of playing on different courts and everyone rose to the challenge, producing more high quality Fives and showing just what all those potential spectators were missing out on.
Next up after a brief pit stop for lunch was Wolverhampton, where we were joined by guest player Sid Simmons. In Sid's honour, and with the tour remarkably still sticking to the time schedule, two games were played on the excellent WGS courts, with a standout game between Gareth & Nick and Sid & Spencer and a win for Ashley & Chris over Ian & Mandie in the battle of the couples, before Karen, Ashley, Ian and Sid put on another fine demonstration of the art of mixed Fives. The final game of Day One showed just how fortune was shining on us, as the showers abated and the sun came out as we approached the currently roofless courts of King Edward's, Birmingham where we were warmly greeted by Chief Master John Claughton. The Wolverhampton exertions and the stop start nature of the travel/play/travel/play routine were by now possibly affecting the standard of play for the first time on tour, with attention turning towards the \"most shots in the hole\" competition and the invention of the punch cut shot, surely one for future coaching manuals. Further discussion centred around the presence behind the buttress in court one of a sleeping bag, toothbrush and toothpaste and a pair of boxer shorts (answers on a postcard please) before the coincidental but perfectly timed arrival of KES English teacher James Butler, who had never played before but was very keen to try and who turned out to be a very promising player - albeit a barefoot one - after some enthusiastic tuition from the assembled experts. Acquiring a new convert to Fives was a definite bonus!
Day One ended with TV football and curry at one of Solihull's premier destinations for such things and Spencer gatecrashing an Indian wedding at his more luxurious five star accommodation down the road, before the morning trip up to R/repton for the first game of Day Two. For 9:30am on a Sunday morning, the R/repton matches were very fine games indeed, with on court standards matching the previous day's Wolverhampton high point and the shots in the hole competition gaining in intensity. Another hour in the car to Oakham and the challenge posed by the rather unorthodox courts there produced some rather more gentle games and the warm day and enclosed courts at Uppingham added a sauna like element to proceedings for game eight after another potential padlock disaster had been narrowly averted thanks to some unexpected safecracking skills from Nick. Lunch choices at Peterborough Services were illuminating - time for a quick round of match the player to their lunch: Match A) Ashley & Chris B) Karen and C) Spencer to 1) Oreo Milkshake 2) KFC and 3) Mexican Rice, Quinoa and Avocado salad* - as the team headed into East Anglia, having completed the Rutland leg of the tour.
Cambridge was next up and a rare chance for spectator Michele to enjoy an indoor match with seating provided. With the ninth game completed, a brief detour via the next door Rugby Fives courts was undertaken, where disaster struck with vicious irony. After nine Eton Fives matches and nearly two days, former Rugby Fives player Chris was keen to show off some of his skills to the rest of the group. His hamstring was rather less enthusiastic about the idea, however, and after one single rally of the other code Chris had gone in the fetlock and was limping back to the car for the one remaining leg (literally in his case) of the journey.
Ipswich Fives supremo Peter Boughton was waiting to greet the team at Ipswich and we were grateful for his presence as he was able to fill in for the injured Chris in the last game, although Chris did perform a ceremonial first serve, very much in the style of Diana Ross taking a penalty at the Opening ceremony of the 1994 World Cup (CLICK HERE if you've never seen it - it's always worth a look) just to say he played in all ten games. Fittingly the final match of the tour ended in a 14-13 thriller before attention turned to the shots in the hole competition, which turned out to be a three way tie between Spencer, Ashley and Nick. A penalty shoot out was devised with each player throwing the ball to themselves downstep and hitting a shot, with the first to hit the hole the winner. Initial concerns that we could be there until midnight proved unfounded as Spencer remarkably nailed just his second attempt; Nick and Ashley were unable to match it and the spoils went to Spencer. All that remained was a trip to the Greyhound, where we were joined by Peter and Charlotta Cooley, for the debrief, a final meal of the tour - Karen wasn't going to miss out on her sticky toffee pudding this time - and an initial planning meeting for the proposed European Franco/Swiss version next year.
All were agreed - with the possible exception of Chris's hamstring - that it had been a splendid way to pass the weekend and we would very much like to thank all those who made it possible and joined in - Mike Leach and Isaac Wagland at R/rydal, Seb Cooley at Shrewsbury, Mark Yates at Wrekin, Sid Simmons at Wolverhampton, John Claughton and James Butler at KES, David Exley and the sports centre staff at R/repton, Alex Aldous at Oakham, James Birch at Uppingham, Riki Houlden at Cambridge and Peter Boughton and Charlotta Cooley at Ipswich. Here's to NOEFC's next madcap adventure!
* The answers - of course - being A2 B1 and C3
CLICK HERE for the full route